Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Well, this is very hard to write and harder yet, because I cannot find any of Galina's pictures. Galina was one of our "showed up at the doorstep" one day kitties who stayed for five years. She was one of the most gorgeous cats I have ever seen- she was a long haired cat with a gorgeous white "ruff" around her neck and four white feet. She was non vocal- but spoke volumes with her body language. She always wanted to smell your hand before she would let you pet her and then preferred to be pet on her body, not her face. She got along with everyone and was always in the garage or in the sun. I cannot write about her death very much as the memories of finding her hurt so badly still. She had a severe UTI which we didn't know about and would have no way of knowing about and the poison from her kidneys spread throughout her body. I went out to feed and she was lying under my van and I knew INSTANTLY that something was VERY WRONG- I grabbed her and yelled to Jon, who was sleeping, " Jon, Galina is very sick, I need you right now in the kitchen!" We rushed her to the ER vet and learned what was wrong and that she was hypothermic (her heating pad was 1 foot from my van but she couldn't get there, I guess) and that the cost to try and save her would be over $1000 and the vet thought it was too late. I said, " Please put her to sleep." I cried like an animal- I was in a white t shirt with her blood and fur on it and I was barefoot- I cared for NOTHING except rushing her to the vet- nothing else mattered. We brought her home for the other cats to say goodbye to and buried her in the backyard. A sudden death here is a horrific thing for all of us, but especially for me. We are prepared for old dogs and cats to die and it hurts, but it isn't like this- this is like a stabbing knife and I spent most of the day in bed yesterday sleeping, as when I was awake my mind was filled with visions of her, the syringe the horrid ER vet left with us that had her bloody urine in it, and her nuzzling against my shirt on the way to the vet- completely paralyzed but she could feel her face and for once in her life she wanted, NEEDED me to stroke her face- I stroked the whole way there, and said, " We love you little girl- hang on, we're going to get help." She responded to my touch, moving closer to my hand and resting in my armpit. I will not advertise the emergency vet we went to, but the vet there was abrupt, ugly and just made the whole thing more horrific. I know she is with my other kitties who died of old age and I pray that she will tell them hello for me and spend the rest of her days in the sun, being admired by the company she is in. We love you little Galina. I love you so much little girl- I am so sorry I couldn't save you- I am so sorry I didn't know you were sick- I am so grateful that the last thing you knew was my hand, my voice, and the warmth of my body. I miss you so.
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Well there is one type of medicine I never thought I would be on and damned if I aren't on it- blood pressure meds. It makes perfect sense- I have gained 20 pounds on my bipolar 2 meds and I have been pretty stressed out lately, but ME?????????????? So, now I have the hard work of getting these "Seroquel 20 " off- (it has a nickname because it is SO COMMON) and trying to find a "natural remedy " for high blood pressure. Mercedes, girl, I need your advice. I can't find my camera (one of my kids "borrowed' it) and I don't have time to take any pictures of my darlings. We just changed hard drives, so all my pics are on my OTHER hard drive which is upstairs.
But, I have decided this- I love Jesus, but I hate December. I hear Christmas music on November 27 and my jaw clenches. I want Christmas to be about a peaceful manger, not shopping and mailing and pressure and CHRISTMAS CAROLS FOR 30 STRAIGHT DAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!! So if there was a month that I would have high blood pressure, this would be the month. Thank goodness the animals don't know what month it is, because if Pepper started whistling Christmas Carols in this house before December 9 (my 43rd birthday), his goose would be cooked. (He's a parrot, by the way). So my way of coping this year is I am not sending Christmas cards with pics of my beautiful girls. I figure every mom deserves at least 3 Christmases when she doesn't have to send cards, and this is my first. (I think it's my first, did I skip a year 10 years ago???????????) Don't remember. I am determined to make this a quiet and peaceful Christmas and since I don't like shopping or going to the mall, I think I can do it. I'll stay home and make our little manger and not get freaked out by the huge trees with all silver or all gold decorations or the signs saying, " There's still time for Christmas delivery!" (Well, there should be, when you sent that catalog, it was December FIRST!) And no, I am not a grinch, I am just a Jesus follower, and the last time I checked, Jesus got THREE presents and much after his birth. What in the world has happened to that simple message? I am claiming it this year, even if I have to stick my fingers in my ears and say, " Nah nah nah I can't hear you!" in stores. :)